One Direction fans in Sydney.

One Direction fans in Sydney.

In recent weeks, Australians have had no shortage of Serious Things to worry about.

First, there was the extremely worrying matter of Julia Gillard’s bottom. Then came concern over how Matthew Newton’s gross behavioural problems might overshadow his mother on the Logies red carpet. And finally, I’ve been quite personally troubled by the thought that Robb Stark might not have to take his clothes off in this season of Game of Thrones.

Yes, it’s been fairly high on the old Fret-O-Meter lately.

Fans at the band's promotional store  on Pitt Street, Sydney. Click for more photos

One Direction in Australia

Fans at the band's promotional store on Pitt Street, Sydney. Photo: Getty Images

  • Fans at the band's promotional store  on Pitt Street, Sydney.
  • From left, Louis Tomlinson, Liam Payne, Harry Styles, Zayn Malik and Niall Horan.
  • One Direction dolls at the band's promotional store  on Pitt Street, Sydney.
  • One Direction perform at Nickelodeon's 25th annual Kids' Choice Awards in Los Angeles last month.
  • Fans at the band's promotional store  on Pitt Street, Sydney.
  • One Direction's Niall Horan at Nickelodeon's 25th Annual Kids' Choice Awards in Los Angeles last month.
  • One Direction's Liam Payne at Nickelodeon's 25th Annual Kids' Choice Awards in Los Angeles last month.
  • Niall Horan, Louis Tomlinson, Zayn Malik, Liam Payne and Harry Styles of the band One Direction perform on NBC's Today show in New York.
  • Young fans at the InterContinental hotel scream at the arrival of the boy band One Direction.
  • Young fans at the InterContinental hotel scream at the arrival of the boy band One Direction.
  • Young fans at the InterContinental hotel scream at the arrival of the boy band One Direction.
  • Young fans at the InterContinental hotel scream at the arrival of the boy band One Direction.

And ladies and gentlemen, with the arrival of that boy band – the one with the curiously Christian moniker – the time has come to be worried once more.

Specifically, we need to start worrying about hysterical, squealing teenage girls and their unpadlocked, unrestrained libidos.

The arrival of One Direction certainly took Australia by storm – mostly because nobody outside of the 12-17 year old teen girl bracket and a handful of their mothers had ever heard of them. But more interesting than the so-called ‘hysteria’ was the rampant hormonal explosion that occurred simultaneously. The sexual energy that heralded One Direction’s arrival was not only palpable, it was on full display in the homemade signs held aloft by teenage fans outside the Sunrise studios last Thursday morning. Banners bearing slogans such as, ‘Point your erection in my direction’ and ‘Send your one thing Down Under’ were spotted outside the Martin Place broadcast, and captured on TV for a scandalised nation to see.

One Direction at the Logies last night.

One Direction at the Logies last night.

Channel Seven was forced to apologise for allowing such rampantly offensive behaviour to roam wild in the Serengeti that is the breakfast broadcast. Meanwhile, Julie Gale, founder of the irritatingly text-moderne named Kids Free 2B Kids, declared the signs ‘highly inappropriate and reflective of the sexualised world kids are part of’. In a move sure to please fellow Hand Wringing agents in Pearl Clutching Town, Channel Nine warned attendees of last night’s Logies (in which One Direction delivered a special performance) that similar displays of vulgarity would be confiscated, which left almost no one to walk the red carpet.

Despite Gale’s intimation that this behaviour has been thrust upon adolescent girls by recent corrupting forces (as if The Beatles, the Rolling Stones, Elvis Presley, NKOTB, The Backstreet Boys, N’Sync, Justin Bieber, etc etc etc were all simply myths enshrined in legend), the truth is a touch less complicated than that: adolescent girls are interested in sex. They always have been, and they always will be, and no amount of blame placed on a modern made up phenomenon will change that.

It’s a truth that’s rarely acknowledged at all, let alone universally. Indeed, while the official story is that One Direction hail from England, it seems equally plausible at this point that they were willed into the universe by the collective longing of a million young teenage girls. If it makes people uncomfortable to think of them brandishing signs saying, ‘1D get naked!’ and ‘I’ll give you One Erection’, then it makes them fairly apoplectic to think that said girls might actually be expressing these desires off the back of their own sexual daydreams.

Considering we accept the general hypothesis that girls physically mature faster than boys, it seems curious that we deny them the same agency when it comes to their sexual maturity. The nascent sexual desires of boys are so readily accepted as part of life that we barely blink at the mention of them. We know they’re fascinated by it, turned on by it and would in fact do anything to GET it – so accepting are we that we consider it a scientific fact of life: it is normal and healthy for teenage boys to be driven by their hormones, and any worries about them being indiscriminately promiscuous should be eased by the reminder that it’s just boys being boys and no harm can come of it particularly as they can’t get pregnant.

But instead of encouraging a similar sexual expression in girls (who experience the exact same explosion of hormones during their teen years), we demonise it. We watch with eagle eyes for the first hint of their sexual curiosity; wearing revealing clothing, flirting with strangers, touching themselves, admitting on a handmade sign that they know what an erection is, and would like to see one please. Then, through a sustained process of fear mongering, shame and good, old fashioned folklore, we wrest it from their control and tell them they can have it back when they’ve proved they know how to behave. The irony of course is that we deny sexual autonomy to girls for their own protection, and then expect them to turn around and be the sexual gatekeepers for everyone else’s.

At best, this trains girls to adhere to a system that constructs women as passive bystanders to sex, whose very goodness is measured in direct correlation with how well they observe the rules of moral conduct and chastity. But at worst, it encourages the idea that their burgeoning desires are unnatural and gross, and that to indulge them through something like masturbation is weird and possibly deviant. We teach them that in order to be good, they have to be disconnected from anything even remotely connected to the Dark Place known as their vaginas. I’m sorry, is this 1950? Because I just spat out my root beer float.

The fact is, denying girls the right to be every bit as consumed by sex as boys are allowed to be is counterintuitive. A handful of girls waving titillating signs outside Martin Place isn’t representative of an orgiastic trend sweeping the nation, and it shouldn’t be treated as such. But it is a sign that no matter how much we try and shield girls from sex, they’re going to find ways to explore it and it doesn’t always mean they want to actually do it.

The answer isn’t to keep talking about how uncomfortable it makes everyone (because frankly, if there’s anything that makes me uncomfortable, it’s seeing grown men making moral judgments on what girls are or are not doing with their lady caves) – it’s about giving them the right tools to explore that sexuality in a healthy way, and trusting them to make the right decisions. They’re not delicate dolls, so stop treating them that way.

Besides, one of those Directioners’ signs declared, ‘Have my baby!’ I’m no scientist, but I think she’s doing gestational biology wrong. All things considered, I’d say we’re not supplying our girls with ENOUGH sex-ed.