Revenge website 'She's A Homewrecker' pits women against each other

Screengrab from the 'She's a homewrecker' Facebook page.

Screengrab from the 'She's a homewrecker' Facebook page.

Some states in the US are currently trying to ban a practice called "revenge porn," in which men punish women for cheating—or often just for the "crime" of dumping them—by publishing naked photos the women gave them in good faith, often with the woman's address and real name attached. Turns out that a lot of straight women want in on the game of publicly shaming people they blame for their broken hearts. The twist is that these women prefer to focus their anger and harassment efforts not at men, but at other women. 

Kate Dries at Jezebel reports on a popular website called She's A Homewrecker (it has 250,000 "likes" on Facebook), where women can publish the names and photos of women with whom their husbands and partners chose to cheat. Emphasis on "chose," because while some of the tales of woe on this website do involve women bothering to be mad at their cheating spouses, the overall message is clear: The job of keeping a man faithful belongs not to him, but to the entire population of women that he could encounter at any time.

The belief that women are the ones mainly, if not solely, responsible for men's choice to cheat is made all the more apparent when you realise that the cheating men are spared having their information made public, often because the women writing in want to keep the relationship together. One entry features a photo with the woman described as a "home wrecking slut" cuddling with the man in question. His face is blanked out, and the cheated-on woman writes, "She will never have his heart like I did. EVER. I will love that man until the day I die." One photo caption reads: "A pathetic excuse for a female. Knowingly, continuing to try and bed a man that is taken." Another woman writes about how her "perfect marriage" was ruined because her husband decided to join a gym, where he met the other woman. The result: That woman gets her name and picture published on the website. The cheating husband, however, gets anonymity and forgiveness, since he "quit the gym and all he does is spend time with us." 

Look, I'm not going to defend a woman who makes the crappy choice of sleeping with a married man, but this retrograde belief that men can't control themselves in the face of a woman who tempts them makes it clear the work of feminism is far from done.

People of all genders and sexual orientations and kinks and familial arrangements: If you're old enough to have your heart broken, you need to be mature enough to handle it like an adult. Party inappropriately. Sleep around. Whine to your friends—that's what they are there for. Listen to sad music while curled up in a ball crying on the floor. Fantasize about getting your revenge, if you want. But whatever you do, don't actually try to get revenge, either on your ex or the woman you blame because you've absorbed the idiotic notion that anyone other than the man behind the penis is responsible for where the penis goes. The only person who looks bad when you do that is you

 Slate

 

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10 comments

  • I can't stand it when women (or men) do not put the blame where it belongs when it comes to cheating, it's so degrading to watch a women become a female hulk type and abuse the other 'person' instead of the one who is really responsible, their spouse. He/She was the one that choose to cheat on you, he/she is in the wrong. And to me, it just sends the message that your ok with the way they treated you, and you're giving the green light for them to do it again.

    Commenter
    Cam
    Location
    melbourne
    Date and time
    October 31, 2013, 11:32AM
    • I assume the woman is to blame when she is cheating with another man?
      these sorts of thoughts and sites are everywhere. Some directed at women and some at men.
      there is a site even advising women about which specific men to avoid too!
      all nasty but unfortunately fed by many nasty people of all races/religions/genders/ etc

      Commenter
      david
      Date and time
      October 31, 2013, 12:24PM
    • I agree that the spouse is the one primarily to blame, but it doesn't make the other person any less blame-worthy. I don't think it should be one or the other. And I understand shaming the other woman - it's not about her "causing" a man to stray (the man chose to stray and that's a whole separate issue). It's about her being the type of woman who will stab another woman in the back by sleeping with her husband/partner. That is shameful - she broke the code and must be voted off the proverbial island.

      Commenter
      T
      Date and time
      October 31, 2013, 12:27PM
  • I've always been perplexed as to why the 'other' woman (or man) is labelled the cheater. Logically, only the person who has made wedding vows (or other promises) can be a cheater. But it seems Fairfax doesn't agree. The SMH link I click on to view this article was "Revenge website for cheating women".

    Commenter
    Judy
    Date and time
    October 31, 2013, 12:45PM
    • Its your partners fault plain and simple, there the ones in the relationship, saw things escalating, didnt stop it and did the deed. Men and women are competitive for mates, watch closely when an attractive women is around mens conversations will change and they will put each other down more, (all in jest), women use there eyes and body language, there are others but ive noticed these and they a good example, its a jungle but unless its your friend that betrayed you its your partners fault

      Commenter
      Huh!
      Date and time
      October 31, 2013, 1:02PM
      • @ Cam - agreed, I think its ridiculous the number of women who are willing to overlook cheating and forgive their partner and lay all the blame at the feet of another. If my fiance chose to cheat on me, he is the only one I would be shaming...

        @T - I agree with you in theory but of course assuming that the other person had full knowledge of the situation. Put simply, if he's capable of deceiving his wife and family its likely he's deceiving his bit on the side too...

        One thing that always baffled me about the other person, assuming they know what is going on - Why would you want a person who you know is a cheater? A one night stand is one thing, but it's another thing entirely to have a relationship with another knowing they are married/taken. Even if they do eventually end up with you, why would you want them?

        Commenter
        Nic
        Location
        Sydney
        Date and time
        October 31, 2013, 1:34PM
        • "Look, I'm not going to defend a woman who makes the crappy choice of sleeping with a married man, but this retrograde belief that men can't control themselves in the face of a woman who tempts them makes it clear the work of feminism is far from done."

          When police engage in a sting operation, they are required to be very careful to avoid treading over the blurry grey line into the territory commonly called 'entrapment'.

          There have been numerous cases where convictions have been thrown out of court or the accused receives a lighter sentence. Why? Because the courts deemed that the party being prosecuted was not solely to blame, and in all likelihood would never have committed the crime they are charged with had the police not presented them with the opportunity to do so.

          In short, the issue is not as simple as such sentiments may make it seem.

          Commenter
          DM
          Date and time
          October 31, 2013, 2:16PM
          • Okay, this is how it works. Blame the third party so there is hope for reconciliation. Then when everything is patched up it is about some evil temptress, not the fact that someone who was meant to be in a committed relationship wasn't as committed as they were believed to be.

            As a single, independent woman, I have been "warned off" by so many married women whose husbands I was only talking to because I wanted to have a conversation about something other than child-rearing and home crafts. Talking. Last time I checked that one was allowable form inside the walls of marriage.

            Anyway, good luck to them all.

            Commenter
            Bored
            Date and time
            October 31, 2013, 3:19PM
            • All this assumes that the female doing the 'cheating' is aware that the man is married. Sometimes the presence of a wife and kids is omitted from the conversation.

              Commenter
              Cathy
              Date and time
              October 31, 2013, 4:30PM
              • I don't think anyone should be up there having a pic posted on the cheater's site as it's their entire fault. The cheating partner must have a good reason to go and cheat as not many people cheat without a reason. Either there's dramas at home all the time, or not getting enough affection from their partner so really it's both their fault that one of them is straying because if all was good there would be no cheating in the first place. Then there's the other persons fault the 3rd party for going off with a person who is in a relationship.
                Mind you some women love the idea of having a married man gives them some sort of power that she must be better in some way then the husbands wife it’s called being competitive.
                I personally never cheated or given any of my partners a reason to cheat, however I did have few married men in my life who wanted to go out for dinner and I nicely declined. My partner who is an attractive man has told me that he got propositioned few times by different women who very well knew he is attached as he tells them. Their answer is "She is not here she won't know. My Partners answer to them "I'm very happy within my relationship and I will know".

                Commenter
                Snow
                Location
                sydney
                Date and time
                October 31, 2013, 4:37PM
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