The cover of Cory Bernardi's new book, The Conservative Revolution.
There comes a time in every Australian’s life when they must ponder the following query:
"Was Senator Cory Bernardi birthed from a sentient human woman, or was he built in a factory out of spare parts and glue? If we were to cut open Senator Cory Bernardi’s head, would we find a brain there or the rusted element of an old kettle?"
The nation had cause to stop and consider these questions once more earlier this week, when it was revealed Bernardi had published a book titled The Conservative Revolution, calling for the country’s most privileged to put down their china tea cups and gold bullions, don their most comfortable boat shoes and storm the wombs barricades of the great unwashed.
This isn’t the first time Bernardi has made headlines for his 'controversial views'. One can’t help but wonder if his entire life serves as an abstract art installation that began when he emerged, confused, from the depths of the ocean one day and forgot how to return. He’s basically like the Patrick Star of the Australian political arena.
Prior to labelling pro-choice advocates as ‘pro-death’ soldiers of the ‘death industry’, Bernardi’s career highlights included:
To all of these, we can now add Bernardi’s latest concerns - a fear of women’s autonomy, reproductive rights and what kind of evil is currently being allowed to flourish in their down theres.
Bernardi’s new book The Conservative Revolution (which unsurprisingly features a quote of recommendation from his fellow conservative warrior, Andrew Bolt - hi Andy! xx) calls for a new debate on abortion in Australia, as if the last few years have seen conspicuous silence on the matter. One can only assume that when Bernardi says ‘debate’, what he actually means is an unfettered dialogue in which conservative lawmakers are allowed to discuss all the ways in which abortion is used by lazy slags as an ‘abhorrent form of birth control’, before drafting legislation that would drastically limit our rights to access such care except in cases where the Bible specifically points to a prophecy that dictates the child will grow up to be a ‘leftist’ voter who uses recycled toilet paper and insists on the radical act of viewing women as people. Indeed, the debate Bernardi proposes seems to be framed as, ‘Why are so many Australian women such sexually promiscuous whores, and why do they all want to murder their babies? Let’s hear from the men.”
It’s a reasonable enough proposition, by which I mean it is so out of left-field ludicrous that after my head exploded while taking it all in, it was forced to reassemble itself just so it explode again for emphasis. According to Bernardi, women (feminissssssts) are stifling the conversation on abortion in our country - presumably because very few of us want to revisit an arena in which we are forced to entertain the idea that arguments which position our bodies as property of the state could in any way, shape or form be plausible or relevant to our lives. That, and we’re all too busy fashioning perukes out of our armpit hair.
The Conservative Revolution appears to be a hot mess of contradictions, much like Bernardi’s own neural pathways. He accuses those who are pro-choice of being ‘pro-death’, while he insultingly rebrands the medical avenues that provide abortion and reproductive health care to women in need as ‘the death industry’
Yet, in the same rambling blather of nonsense, he also espouses the view that single mothers raise boys more prone to criminality and girls more at risk of ‘promiscuity’. Even more strange is his opposition to NFP organisation programs like the Red Cross’ Good Start Breakfast Club, who provide a healthy breakfast to thousands of children around Australia who may otherwise go hungry. Bernardi - the protector of life and defender of children, the man who thinks life begins at conception, the warrior who chastises women for responsibly assessing their means and capabilities to become a parent and making the difficult decision not to - wants to scrap school breakfast programs for underprivileged children because he worries that they ‘remove parental responsibility and create a mentality that the state will provide’.
In Bernardi’s view, women who have assessed that they have neither the financial nor emotional means to raise a child should be vilified as irresponsible sluts relying on the convenience of state sanctioned murder. Meanwhile, the children he would see them be forced to bear become pawns in the ongoing ‘lesson’ these women must learn about responsibility and actions - even if it means those children are denied such basic human rights as a decent nutritional start to the day.
And here is Bernardi’s ultimate contradiction - that he would have it be the absolute right of the government to intervene when it comes to ‘saving’ a life, but that they must, for the good of the people, withdraw that support when it comes to raising one.
This, we are told, is the conservative revolution. And I think I speak for everyone when I say: