Eric, (Kyle Chandler) and Tami Taylor, (Connie Britton) the couple we all want ot be a part of on Friday Night Lights.
There’s a conversation I have every so often with my girlfriends. It involves the very important, very serious topic of evaluating the merits of various male TV characters. Specifically, we consider which celluloid heroes we’d like to look up to as our imaginary father as opposed to those we’d like to enjoy in, shall we say, less familial ways. For example, we can all agree that David Stratton would make an excellent imaginary dad, (just imagine teaching him how to text - adorable! 'Hi Imaginary Dad David Stratton, great job on the Gosling interview! Did you give him my number like I asked?' 'hello.No.I.Did.Not.Who.Is.This.Please?' Stratton doesn't know how to use the space button, which is an actual thing that my dad does when he texts. Occasionally though, the barometer for what makes a good father veers dangerously close to those defining points of a lover, and everyone's forced to take a good, long look at themselves in the mirror. Ladies, you know of what I speak. If you're finding yourself confused by feelings of both paternal and romantic affection, you may be afflicted by something my learned colleague Natalie refers to as ...LOVERFATHER Syndrome.
1. Coach Eric Taylor Friday Night Lights
Coach Taylor had his share of problems with daughter Julie, but considering how much of a brat she turned out to be that was pretty understandable. As surrogate father to the members of the Dillon Panthers (and later the East Dillon Lions), he raised all of his kids to be honourable - remember when he instituted a zero tolerance policy of his footballers standing by while a Steubenville-lite scenario played out?
Dan and Roseanne.
But if you’re familiar with Friday Night Lights, y’all will know the babin’ hot mama that was Coach Taylor’s wife. With flaming locks of auburn hair, Tami Taylor set Coach’s pulse a-racing. He loved that woman. Let’s face it, we all did - but we also kind of wanted to be her, kicking ass, taking names and coming home each day to (and with) Mr Coach. As an aside, Tami Taylor scores off the charts as a LoverMother. #conniebrittonshair
LOVERFATHER VERDICT: 70/30
2. Dan Connor, Roseanne
Wasn't Dan just the best dad? He was fair-minded, understanding and (mostly) supportive. He didn't much like it when Darlene became a teen mum, but only because he felt like she had this enormous intellectual potential. As a father, he seemed like the kind of guy you could rely on to pick you up at 3am from a boozy party. And even though he might be mad about it, he would still do it because ultimately he wanted you to know you could always trust him and turn to him if you needed help.
But as Roseanne's husband, he was especially cracking. He adored his brash, uncouth wife and couldn't get enough of her - it was obvious during the run of Roseanne's eight seasons (the ninth one doesn't count) that they had a ferocious sex life.
LOVERFATHER VERDICT: 60/40
3. Detective Elliot Stabler, Law & Order: Special Victims Unit
In the criminal justice system, there's one man who takes it upon himself to be the defender of women and children alike. This....is his story. Detective Stabler knows he can’t save everyone, but he keeps trying. As a father to his own kids, he struggles to be a good role model to them while coming to terms with all of the brutal things he sees in the SVU. As a potential daughter, you kind of get the feeling that he'd have your back if any chump tried to hurt you. Like, Detective Stabler would almost definitely pay someone a visit and use those haunted, steely eyes to say things that fists couldn't if, for example, someone did something really chumpy like cheat on you three weeks after your mother died and then not tell you about it until after you'd let him have a shower at your house following a night in the cop shop because he'd gone on a bender and stolen property from a restaurant and to be honest, none of that even surprised you because when you told him you were pregnant he reacted by patting you on the shoulder and saying, 'I'm sorry' and then complained about having to turn up to your abortion because one of his favourite musicians was playing that night. Stabler would probably not take that very well.
Not that that happened to me.
As a lover, Stabler ticks all the boxes one would require from a tortured romance. He's a man who's Seen Things, and has the mental scars to prove it. You'll never be able to fix him, but by gosh you'll burn a lot of energy trying. Afterwards, you can hold him and think about how grateful he must feel to have found safety in your arms. Then again, you've seen him in his other role as a manipulative, hardened criminal in the experimental prison unit of Oz. Could you ever really be satisfied with sensual, tormented love-making now that you've glimpsed the raw, man-on-man lust truck he's driving in his orange scrubs? No, you can not.Plus, Stabler's first name is Elliot, which is also the name of my nephew. And while I'm willing to explore the kinky dynamic of LoverFather,LoverNephew is a bridge too far - even for me.
LOVERFATHER VERDICT: 20/80