A letter to the troll who called my son ugly

Date

Megan Davies Mennes

xxx

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Dear @JusesCrustHD,

Since I started blogging about my son Quinn and his disability, I knew this day would come. There's no shortage of trolls on the internet who hide behind the anonymity of a screen name with the intent to be cruel, and I've seen their hostility many times before. In fact, in the wake of a recent robbery at the Down Syndrome Association of Houston's headquarters, in which thousands of dollars worth of technology was stolen, there was no shortage of ignorant comments on the news story reporting the incident. One user asked, "how will they learn to count to potato?" Another claimed that wasting computers on "retards" was stupid anyway and that the organisation deserved to be robbed. These comments, while offensive, simply serve to showcase people's hate-fueled ignorance and aren't worth my time. I grimace when I read them, but realise there's little to be done about such stupidity. But recently, you targeted my son personally and instead of being angry, I'd like to give you some advice: Don't behave like a d**k. It will come back to haunt you.

I don't want to make assumptions about you, but I can only guess that you know little about the helplessness that parents feel when caring for a sick infant with respiratory issues. Quinn was sick last week, but was feeling much better by Friday. We decided to sit in the backyard and soak up the sun after school. There aren't many things in this world more beautiful than seeing your recently-ill child light up in a smile, and I snapped a few photos to celebrate his recovery, then posted them on Instagram with the hashtag "#downsyndrome." I love to look through those photos myself in my spare time, because those little kids are damn adorable. Of course, you feel differently because you, JusesCrustHD, found this photo and left a comment with one simple word:

"Ugly."

 

 

The fact that you find my child ugly is one thing. You are entitled to your opinion. But the fact that you intentionally search #downsyndrome to find pictures to insult (sadly, Quinn is not the only victim of your behaviour; I came across many other inflammatory responses) is both childish and sad. Your profile is also full of offensive posts and crude statements. In one such photo, featuring two kids with Down syndrome and the word "wiitard," you get bent out of shape because many, MANY people called you on your prejudice. You claim it was a joke and that people should lighten up. But what about purposefully seeking out pictures of our children? What about the fact that a beautiful photograph of my son was tarnished by your hatred? That's not a joke. That's cyber bullying. Needless to say, I reported your profile.

This will not be the last time someone discounts my son because he is different. It will not be the last time someone makes a joke at his expense, but to actively seek out actual people to tease goes beyond cruel. It's inhuman.

I recognise that you want to see me get worked up about your little "joke." I'll be honest; it's hard not to be angry about it, but I can't allow myself to carry that weight on my shoulders. I can't allow myself to feel anything but sorry for an individual with so little tact. Because in the end, you will be the one to face the consequences of your choices someday. There are few people in this world who tolerate that kind of backwards thinking, and you'll eventually mouth off to the wrong person. My guess is that you already have, which is why you hide behind a screen name.

God knows there were plenty of cruel adolescent boys in my time: boys who took pleasure in pranks and jokes at others' expense. There were even a few of them that were directed at me, but it gave me tough skin and I grew from the experience of facing such mistreatment. Maybe that's why I'm willing to let this one go; I know where most of those boys ended up, and it's nowhere I'd want to be. And as a teacher, I've seen kids like you crash and burn. Go outside. Read a book. Compliment someone. Most importantly, enlighten yourself; there's already enough cruelty in this world, and anyone worth their salt should be striving to make this place better, not worse.

I simply hope my own children learn to look past ignorant comments and actions and treat others with respect and dignity. We all deserve it, even you.

Sincerely,

A Proud Mum

 

Megan Davies Mennes is an English teacher, a writer and a mother. Read Megan's blog here.

59 comments

  • A Proud Mum, your son will get far more positive input from your strength of mind and character, than he ever will from the weak, negative, cowardly comments from people like that.

    I have a child with a disability too. You have my utmost respect.

    Commenter
    Mum2One
    Location
    Sydney
    Date and time
    April 28, 2014, 12:32AM
    • I have been blessed with two beautiful boys without any health issues. I am glad everyday for them, and could never contemplate saying someone's kid was ugly.

      Your son is beautiful, looks a great kid.

      But I guess you know that already.

      Commenter
      Just a normal Dad
      Date and time
      April 28, 2014, 2:43PM
    • I think it is sadly reflective of current attitudes to children with disabilities, particularly those with Downs Syndrome - a condition that is easily detectable before birth, giving parents the opportunity to terminate. When I went for the nuchal fold screening ultrasound with my first child 13 years ago, the sonographer (?) asked if there was any history of Downs Syndrome in my family. When I replied that I have a brother who is Downs, but he is adopted, the response was "Why would your parents adopt a defective child?" That "defective child" is now 30, and has brought much joy and laughter to our home (though he is not as cute as your little guy anymore!).

      Commenter
      Sista
      Location
      Victoria
      Date and time
      April 28, 2014, 4:03PM
  • He looks like an awesome little man. Unfortunately social media has done a terrific job of giving the barely literate and morally bankrupt a voice.
    Best wishes

    Commenter
    Cam J
    Location
    NSW
    Date and time
    April 28, 2014, 8:21AM
    • What a beautiful, dear little man.

      Commenter
      Kaptinkremin
      Location
      Cairns
      Date and time
      April 28, 2014, 8:29AM
      • It's a difficult decision, when to ignore the trolls and allow them to go unchallenged and when to tackle them and risk feeding their sad little egos. I doubt if "in the end you'll be the one to face the consequences of your actions" is much of a deterrent to these bitter, isolated people.

        Ultimately internet trolls are what they are, no further punishment is necessary.

        Commenter
        Mac Hoban
        Location
        Kettering Tas
        Date and time
        April 28, 2014, 9:09AM
        • Keep in mind that many trolls have severe mental health issues so it could be more that they are unwell rather than plain nasty. Either way people have to ignore them as best they can and this article unfortunately sends a very strong message to trolls everywhere that if you are offensive enough you will get special individual attention.

          Commenter
          Peter
          Date and time
          April 28, 2014, 2:11PM
      • Lady, please don't feed the tro..... too late.

        Commenter
        G.L. Higginbottom
        Location
        Perth
        Date and time
        April 28, 2014, 9:14AM
        • Exactly. Responding - or even acknowledging - trolls is pointless; they are largely anonymous and what they say may be horrible or cruel but often (like this 'ugly') example is completely unpunishable by law. All that happens is that people get into flaming matches and end up with a helpless rage that cannot be doing you - or any one else - any good.

          Rather than confront them, quietly go to the administrator of the site and ask them to censure, reprimand, or ban the culprit.

          Commenter
          Xolin
          Date and time
          April 28, 2014, 1:24PM
      • A letter to parents who put images of their children on publicly accessible online spaces:

        "Don't".

        Commenter
        Scott Hillard
        Location
        Newcastle
        Date and time
        April 28, 2014, 9:15AM

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