InternetDating_Wide

‘But I’m not a bottom feeder,’ is the typical response from another friend when I suggested she search for Mr Right online.

‘I’m not doing internet dating,’ says my friend Kelly. ‘The internet is full of freaks.’

To which I can only respond, ‘Hmmmmm.’

Let’s think about that statement for a moment, remembering that the year is 2012 and not 1994 when the internet was the domain of crusty computer scientists and Dungeon Masters in Dungeons and Dragons.

I use the internet, all my friends use the internet, even my ninety-six year old grandfather uses the internet. And, if you’re reading this article, you use the internet too.  So will all the freaks among you please raise your hands?

‘But I’m not a bottom feeder,’ is the typical response from another friend when I suggested she search for Mr Right online.

Um, yeah, that makes sense. I’m astounded by how many people who are looking for love are prepared to look everywhere except internet dating websites. When we spend a good chunk of our day pimping our Facebook profiles, tweeting about everything from what we are eating for lunch to how we feel about Gina Rinehart, booking holidays, renting houses, and reading restaurant reviews, why do we still think that internet dating is for losers? 

As a veteran internet dater who had a handful of fun dates, one great relationship and one marriage (not at the same time), the people who make these comments are looking at this all wrong.

In my internet dating career I dated an ecologist, a Buddhist dog trainer (he was the Buddhist, not the dogs), a CEO of a multinational company, an accountant, a couple of lawyers, a policeman, a meteorologist, enough IT professionals to fill an Excel spreadsheet and an academic and journalist who became my husband.

The biggest discovery was that there was no difference between the quality of men on a dating website from those who you would meet walking down the street or at a party. If there is a difference, it’s all about quantity and availability.

And unlike bars and parties, you can be sure that the person you meet via a dating website is also interested in the prospect of dating. This means that you’re unlikely to have that awkward moment where the guy you’ve been chatting to for the last ten minutes introduces you to his girlfriend.

And by taking the normal safety precautions when meeting a stranger — meeting in a public place and giving a friend my date’s name, phone number and email address – I actually felt safer than if I’d met a stranger at a bar, a party or a speed dating night.

The sheer number of people on dating websites — at last look there are 1.8 million people using RSVP.com.au, 100 000 members on eharmony.com.au and 940 000 people on aussiematchmaker.com.au — has other benefits. I found that it took a lot of the pressure and the sting of rejection out of the dating process.

If one of my dates didn’t want to see me again I wasn’t gutted by the rejection. I simply reminded myself that there are hundreds of thousands of other available people online and I could go on another date the next day or the next week. This makes dating less about good and bad and more about searching for the right fit. And it allowed me to be myself on dates rather than who I thought the other person would want me to be.

I admit that meeting your partner on the internet isn’t the stuff of fairy tales. Despite safe, effective contraception, Cosmo sealed sections, and the writings of Judith Butler, our culture is a complete sucker when it comes to a romantic ‘How Did You Two Meet?’ story.

The best ones are usually based on chance encounters which include locked eyes across a crowded room or a flat tyre, the side of a road, and Mr Right.

It’s astounding that women are prepared to take control of nearly every other aspects of their lives, but when it comes to something as important as finding love, we leave it all to chance.

We don’t wait for a mysterious employer to offer us his umbrella on a dark and stormy night and then give us our dream job. We work out what we want and then put effort into searching for it.

The same is true for education, finances and personal development. Why should finding a partner be any different?

After all, when my husband is getting up at 2am to attend to our crying daughter, the last thing on my mind is how we met.

Kasey Edwards is the author of Thirty-Something and The Clock is Ticking: What Happens When You Can No Longer Ignore The Baby Question. (Random House) www.kaseyedwards.com