The world's most unenthusiastic pole-dancer.
Dancing in the privacy of your own home seems like such a safe prospect. There's no one there to judge your flailing arms, your out-of-time hips and your jerky gyrating.
But, thanks to the wonder of webcams and YouTube, what was once a private guilty pleasure is now something that can be enjoyed by the wider community.
Here are five of the best examples the web has to offer. Don't try this at home ...
... Or in public bathrooms, for that matter.
1. Pole-dancing is fraught with disaster
Let's take a moment to be thankful for the fact that the Vengaboys are no longer a thing. Oh wait. I spoke too soon.
2. When breakdancing goes bad
Be patient. It's well worth the wait.
The best thing about that is that the laughter comes in waves. First there "oh no, she hit the light and fell over" and then there's "OH BOY SHE REARRANGED THE WHOLE ROOM".
3. It happens to boys, too
This would make a good episode of Banged Up Abroad. "Backpackers who have injured themselves dancing while boozed overseas". I would watch that.
4. When your props let you down
Next time, just opt for the hairbrush like everybody else does.
5. All the single ladies (give themselves a cracking headache)
Wearing the mask to conceal identity showed excellent forethought. Everyone who considers filming themselves dancing on a webcam should adopt this precautionary measure. Lesson learned.