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"I am a few sausages short of a barbie" - A jet-lagged Prince of Wales on his arrival in Australia.
"All of them, but to be honest we are both stone deaf" - The Duke of Edinburgh, when asked which was his favourite act in this year's Royal Variety Show, at which Kylie Minogue was an international guest.
"Liam asked if he could have my daughter's hand in marriage, and I said yes if I could be in his brother's next movie" - Billy Ray Cyrus jokes about agreeing to let future Aussie son-in-law Liam Hemsworth wed his daughter Miley.
"I only take Viagra when I am with more than one woman" - Hollywood star Jack Nicholson, 75.
"You are lucky to have a husband with his own handcuffs" - An enigmatic comment passed by Carla Bruni, wife of Nicolas Sarkozy, the President of France, in conversation with a policeman's wife.
"I owe 30 per cent to genes, 30 per cent to good sex, 30 per cent because of sports and healthy lifestyle and for the remaining ten per cent, I have to thank my plastic surgeon" - Jane Fonda, 75, on her stunning appearance.
"I'm not focused on that yet. I want to do a ton of movies first. After I win an Oscar, I can start thinking about love" - Lindsay Lohan is patient when it comes to falling in love.
"I am thrilled to death" - Stuntman Nik Wallenda on being given permission to cross Niagara Falls on a tightrope.
"I don't want to be just another teen heart-throb" - Teenage heart-throb Justin Bieber.
"It's like you are at your own funeral" - Actor Dustin Hoffman on receiving Lifetime Achievement awards.
"When I eventually looked in the mirror I just thought I looked like my gay brother" - Actress Anne Hathaway on chopping off her long locks for her role as tragic prostitute Fantine in new the new movie musical Les Miserables.
"A little bit of stocking showing is a lot more erotic than sitting down with your underwear off and your legs akimbo" - Actress Joanna Lumley.
"Liven up meals with condiments like salt" - Pippa Middleton makes a startling discovery in her book Celebrate.
"The best is yet to come" - US President Barack Obama in his election victory speech.
"Whatever is said after I'm gone is irrelevant. If I'm gone, that's that" - A comment by Jimmy Savile during an interview in 2001, which was unearthed after the entertainer's child sex abuse scandal broke.
"Rod is so mean that he even hates to take a pee because it means he is giving something away" - Actress Britt Ekland on her former partner Rod Stewart.
"It was a real surprise. I thought she looked gorgeous. But I think it was the same dress. I know it went into some Gianni Versace museum - it was snatched away from me 18 years ago - but I have a feeling it's exactly the same one" - British model and actress Elizabeth Hurley was stunned to see Lady Gaga in the infamous Versace safety pin dress, which catapulted the actress to fame when she wore it in 1994.
"I looked him in the eye and said, 'Please let us know if you have any plans to go into Iran because we'd like to be as current as possible.' (Obama said,) 'We'll be sure to let you know.'" - Actor Damian Lewis made Barack Obama pledge to let him know about an Iran invasion to ensure his drama Homeland keeps up to date. The TV hit is the US President's favourite show.
"Sigh" - Last tweet of the late singer Andy Williams, who died on September 21.
"At least 260 species of animal have been noted exhibiting homosexual behaviour, but only one species of animal ever, so far as we know, has exhibited homophobic behaviour, and that's the human being" - TV's Stephen Fry, an advocate of same-sex marriage.
"You know you are getting old when you buy a sexy sheer nightgown and don't know anyone who can see through it" - Comedienne Joan Rivers.
"I don't believe in God. I believe in Al Pacino" - Javier Bardem has faith in his acting hero.
"In Downton Abbey, foreplay is basically hanging your clothes up properly" - Allen Leech, star of the new series of the hit TV drama.
"Money" - Actor Larry Hagman, who plays JR Ewing in Dallas, when asked what motivated the return of the former TV hit series. Hagman died on November 23.
"No, but it might help him reach the high notes in Unchained Melody" - Ozzy Osbourne in response to a woman who asked whether applying an ice pack to her husband's testicles would improve his sperm count.
"Once-in-a-lifetime opportunities don't come very often" - Comment heard on BBC Radio Five Live about an Olympic rowing event.
"At the end of the day, we want someone who is going to do the bloody dishes" - EL James, author of the best-selling Fifty Shades Of Grey, on what women want in a man.
"I don't deserve less just because I have boobs and they don't" - Tennis star Serena Williams joins in the row over pay differences between male and female players at Wimbledon.
"My husband says 'Why would I ever cheat on you? I get a new woman every three years'" - Dolly Parton on her regular surgical makeovers.
"You can laugh more women into bed than you can seduce into it - just so long as they stop laughing when you're in bed" - Michael Caine offers dating tips to guys.
"This jubilee is lasting as long as the reign it was intended to celebrate. Milk it Liz!" - Comedian Russell Brand jokes about the UK's four-day public holiday to mark Queen Elizabeth II's Diamond Jubilee.
"I'm wearing John Galliano but the socks are from K-Mart. As Saddam Hussein once said to me 'Socks are socks - don't waste money'" - Actor Sacha Baron Cohen in his persona of The Dictator at the Oscars.
"I prefer high heels to sex. They last longer" - Madonna.
"The old man recently died a few weeks ago of shame. To think that he had a daughter who told lies every time she stood for parliament" - Veteran radio host Alan Jones made the remark in a speech to 100 members of the Sydney University Liberal Club President's dinner, just weeks after the death of John Gillard, the father of Prime Minister Julia Gillard. He later apologised to the prime minister for the remarks, describing them as unacceptable.
"I feel like we all got baptised ... All the atheists are confused now ... It was like a tent revival in the studio" - Keith Urban reacts to Darren Percival's rendition of Stevie Wonder's I Believe (When I Fall In Love) on The Voice.
"I am a lucky woman because I was born with a priceless gift: the ability to laugh at the misfortune of others" - Barry Humphries in his persona of Dame Edna Everage.
"Scientology back in news. Very weird cult, but big, big money involved with Tom Cruise either number two or three in hiearchy (sic)" - Australian media mogul Rupert Murdoch tweets following news of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes's divorce.
"Hey haters..Every min u are harassing me is another min u are distracted from spewing hate at people who are less resolute. Haha, God bless" - Russell Crowe takes aim at those attacking him on Twitter following his reported marriage split and endorsement of US President Barack Obama.
"Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and your mascara runs" - Australian writer Kathy Lette.
"Everybody pees in the pool. It's kind of a normal thing to do for swimmers. When we're in the water for two hours, we don't really get out to pee. Chlorine kills it so it's not bad" - Michael Phelps, champion swimmer.
"A drug that's about as addictive as potatoes" - WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange discussing cannabis.
"It is like living in a space station. My health is slowly deteriorating" - Julian Assange, on being holed up in the Ecuadorean embassy.
"I met Pippa last night. She. Was. Lovely. And there was no bum-off" - Kylie Minogue tweeting about meeting the Duchess of Cambridge's sister Pippa Middleton, who along with Minogue is known for her shapely bottom.
- Via AAP