Kerri Sackville. Photo: Damian Bennett
I was sitting on a podium as one of a panel of four female writers. The others were heroes of mine in one way or another, and I felt almost embarrassed to be included.
"Well, I'm definitely the least interesting person here," I said when it was my turn to introduce myself. Immediately, there was a cry of protest from the audience.
"Never apologise for yourself!" said the woman in the front row. Turns out it was Eva Cox, the renowned feminist, and when she gives you advice, you really need to listen.
She was right, of course. I shouldn't apologise for who I am, or how lacking in accomplishment I perceive myself to be.
But it's hard, when I feel I'm just pretending to be a writer. I've written two books, yet I feel far from being a "proper" author. I've been on television countless times, yet feel sure that each gig will be my last. I've written innumerable columns, and yet I am surprised when people tell me they love my work. In my professional life I frequently feel like a fraud.
Of course, I don't feel like this all the time. I have moments when I read something I've written and feel very proud of myself, and decide I might even have a little bit of talent. For much of the time, though, I am convinced that I'm an imposter. And many high-achieving women feel exactly the same way.
Sheryl Sandberg, chief operating officer of Facebook, has written about Imposter syndrome. After graduating from Harvard University, she listened to a speech about "feeling like a fraud".
"I thought it was the best speech I'd ever heard," she told The New Yorker.
"I felt like that my whole life."
Even superstars can feel like fakes. Academy Award-winning actress Jodie Foster famously told 60 Minutes that she feared she'd have to return her Oscar for The Accused. "I thought it was a fluke," she said. "I thought ... they'd come to my house, knocking on the door: 'Excuse me, we meant to give that to someone else. That was going to Meryl Streep.' "
Ironically, though, the award-winning Meryl Streep feels the same way. The actress once revealed in an interview: "You think, 'Why would anyone want to see me again in a movie? And I don't know how to act anyway, so why am I doing this?'"
Imposter syndrome seems more common among women than men, but according to clinical psychologist Sabina Read, it is experienced by both sexes. Women, however, tend to speak more openly about their fears, which ultimately can help us cope.
"Acknowledging and talking about our fears can help us to negate the beliefs that we'll be found out for being inadequate," she says.
Sandberg advocates Lean-In Circles - monthly professional development and support groups for women - to counteract Imposter syndrome.
We can also feel fraudulent in our roles as parents. There are times I hear myself advising my 14-year-old or chastising my seven-year-old, and I am convinced I am just play-acting at being a parent. Surely my kids will realise I have no idea what I'm doing?
To beat Imposter syndrome, says Read, we should acknowledge that perfection does not equate with real worth.
"When we focus on what others do, we let ourselves down. But when we shine the light on our strengths and stop attributing our achievements to luck, we can feel responsible for our successes, as well as our struggles."
It is shocking to discover that high-achieving women have doubts about their abilities. But then, it's possible that other people think the same about me.
And that notion really blows my mind.
I'M READING
I'm reading I just threw a book against the wall in disgust and refused to finish it. It's the second time this year it has happened. I won't name the book because it is by an Australian author and I desperately wanted to like it. But the characters were unlikeable, the plot had holes the size of barges and life is simply too short for bad books. So now I'm about to start In the Unlikely Event by Judy Blume. Her children's books were such a huge part of my childhood that having a new novel to read feels like a gift.
I'M WATCHING
It seems that everyone is watching either MasterChef or The Voice. As I have no interest in cooking and a great deal of interest in Ricky Martin, I am very much team Voice. There is some terrific talent and Ricky Martin is gorgeous, the banter between the judges is entertaining and Ricky Martin is heaven, and some of the backstories make me cry. Also Ricky Martin is seriously hot.
I'M PLANNING
I am summoning my strength to return to the Emotionally Draining and Frequently Dispiriting World of Online Dating. I've been off the websites for a while now, not, sadly, because I found the man of my dreams, but because it became exhausting. All that excitement and disappointment, all those high heels and taxis and late nights - I mean, why can't my ideal man just magically appear in my living room? Oh right, he did - Ricky Martin ... damn!
