But where is the tie now?

But where is the tie now?

Justin Timberlake's new video is here and it's very old Hollywood with more than a splash of Michael Jackson. In fact, Timberlake seems to be paying serious homage to the late King of Pop with all the dancing. But then again, who isn't, really? A few things concern us, however, and they are as follows:

1.Can anybody explain why playing chess with a model dressed in lingerie is part of his pre-show routine? Surely playing chess is difficult enough without the distraction of a scantily-clad lady who is not your wife? Unless this is an elaborate metaphor for being 'check mated' by a woman? In which case, okay?

2. Why does the masseuse need to wear a bikini? Is it hot backstage? Is there a pool nearby?

3.It seems that Justin has taken up smoking. We don't want to throw a wet blanket all over his new suit and tie, (thank you) but isn't that terribly bad for his voice? We understand Jay Z has always loved his cigars, as evidenced by the cover of the 2001 album The Blueprint and probably every other music clip thereafter. But Jay Z is a rapper so his voice is still important but not nearly as important as Timberlake whose high notes are his trademark. Although speaking of Jay Z ...

4. Jay Z, what are you doing there? You have a net worth of over $460 million! You don't need the money! Yes, the single will sell, and sell well with white ladies, a demographic you may be trying to capture. But you know who else sells well with white ladies, (apart from your wife - is that a problem?) Taylor Swift. Is she next? Admittedly though, it looks as if Jay Z has either been cast or cast himself as a mentor to Timberlake. And a slightly unimpressed mentor at that. He's got Timberlake fixing his drinks and eating cereal while he stretches out in his house, smoking and watching TV.

5. Dancer making Love to a microphone stand. We understand that in order to prove a that a former boy band member with a lot of nose cartilage is sexy you've got to surround him with sexiness, (read: mild objectification of women). This rule is as old as MTV. So while we get that sexy dancing from a sexy woman is de rigeur we must draw the line at what appears to be sexual relations with a microphone stand. Not because it's too hot to handle but because, guys it doesn't make sense. The stripper pole - sure, okay. But this is an electric device that's meant to stay upright! Oh wow, we think we just accidentally made a double entendre.