Watch: Justin Timberlake's new music video

But where is the tie now?

But where is the tie now?

Justin Timberlake's new video is here and it's very old Hollywood with more than a splash of Michael Jackson. In fact, Timberlake seems to be paying serious homage to the late King of Pop with all the dancing. But then again, who isn't, really? A few things concern us, however, and they are as follows:

1.Can anybody explain why playing chess with a model dressed in lingerie is part of his pre-show routine? Surely playing chess is difficult enough without the distraction of a scantily-clad lady who is not your wife? Unless this is an elaborate metaphor for being 'check mated' by a woman? In which case, okay?

2. Why does the masseuse need to wear a bikini? Is it hot backstage? Is there a pool nearby?

3.It seems that Justin has taken up smoking. We don't want to throw a wet blanket all over his new suit and tie, (thank you) but isn't that terribly bad for his voice? We understand Jay Z has always loved his cigars, as evidenced by the cover of the 2001 album The Blueprint and probably every other music clip thereafter. But Jay Z is a rapper so his voice is still important but not nearly as important as Timberlake whose high notes are his trademark. Although speaking of Jay Z ...


4. Jay Z, what are you doing there? You have a net worth of over $460 million! You don't need the money! Yes, the single will sell, and sell well with white ladies, a demographic you may be trying to capture. But you know who else sells well with white ladies, (apart from your wife - is that a problem?) Taylor Swift. Is she next? Admittedly though, it looks as if Jay Z has either been cast or cast himself as a mentor to Timberlake. And a slightly unimpressed mentor at that. He's got Timberlake fixing his drinks and eating cereal while he stretches out in his house, smoking and watching TV.

5. Dancer making Love to a microphone stand. We understand that in order to prove a that a former boy band member with a lot of nose cartilage is sexy you've got to surround him with sexiness, (read: mild objectification of women). This rule is as old as MTV. So while we get that sexy dancing from a sexy woman is de rigeur we must draw the line at what appears to be sexual relations with a microphone stand. Not because it's too hot to handle but because, guys it doesn't make sense. The stripper pole - sure, okay. But this is an electric device that's meant to stay upright! Oh wow, we think we just accidentally made a double entendre.