Jake and the mystery lady walking around in NYC.
Jakey, we've been worried about you. Now it's not just because Taylor Swift's song, 'We are Never Ever Getting Back Together' is obviously about how mean you were to her, (although that's certainly been a contributing factor). It's also that we haven't seen you in any kind of heat-generating movie since ... Source Code. Oh we know you've been doing things - playing that hard-hitting cop in End of Watch and stuff but you have to admit End of Watch isn't exactly Brokeback is it?
You also earned a reputation pretty early on in your career as a bit of a lady killer. As well as Taylor there has been Reese Witherspoon, Natalie Portman, Kirsten Dunst - they're all in your resume. But lately - nothing. No signs of anything even remotely interesting. There's also the beard. Don't get us wrong, we love it! It's just that it's been so thick for so long it's beginning to cross over from 'Brooklyn bar' into 'Do you need me to fashion a new horse shoe for you m'lady? I normally slaughter pigs but as there is no one else available in the village I'm happy to oblige.'
So it is with a flurry of excitement and relief that we'd like to congratulate you - (and your publicist if need be) - on these photographs of yourself holding hands with an anonymous saucy lady. She looks like she has a fantastic sense of self and it wouldn't surprise any of us if she was a couple of years older than your evergreen 33. Well done, Jake. Now, if we could just find out who the hell she is ...