Five summer fashion trends to be highly suspicious of

http://images.dailylife.com.au/2012/11/07/3776405/art-139291995.jpg?rand=1352263648411

Each day I receive an e-newsletter in my inbox from a fashion website that keeps me abreast of trends. It is my small attempt to stave off un-fashionability, which we all know can creep up on a person.

One minute you’re right out there freelancing on style’s cutting edge, wearing vintage brogues and and witty brooches, and the next you’ve moved to the national capital and you find yourself popping to the shops in (non-ironic) tapered jeans and Seinfeld sneakers. Possibly even buying a parka. I digress.

Yesterday, the fashion email included a feature article entitled ‘‘Fourteen reasons why you need a biker jacket NOW’’. I think it was the specificity of it that got me - was there really no 15th reason the writer could create for the sake of rounding up? But I suppose if you wanted to be a purist about it, there really is only one proper reason for needing a biker jacket: because you’re an actual biker.

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This revolutionary thought inspired me to break ranks with fashion group-think and voice concerns that I have held for some time over other items we are told are ‘‘on-trend’’. I hope by speaking out I can encourage others to throw off the shackles of chic and embrace their tapered jeans.

http://images.dailylife.com.au/2012/11/07/3776311/art-150550825.jpg?rand=1352263406995

Neon
Seriously, could it be any more everywhere? Shopping the high street has become a visual hazard. You basically need sunglasses just to enter Country Road. The neon trend - incidentally no friend of the pasty lady - started as a sort of winking tribute to the ‘80s but now every time I turn on breakfast television my eyes are blinded by high-vis blazers and blouses. When did it become okay to dress like Tony Abbott on a factory visit? I give this trend half a summer, at most, before the nation’s women collectively wonder what crack they’ve been smoking to want to dress like highlighter pens.

http://images.dailylife.com.au/2012/11/07/3776314/art-152038286.jpg?rand=1352263435578

High top sneakers
I dare you to wear high-tops and not look like Punky Brewster. Unless you’re Jess Hart, in which case, go nuts because you always look cute.

http://images.dailylife.com.au/2012/11/07/3776385/art-138783155.jpg?rand=1352263466494


Pyjama-style pants
There’s a lot of them around this season and okay, so I might have bought a pair. They are comfy and slouchy and they look great with a nice little heel and a tuxedo blazer. But I am pretty sure they make every woman’s a–se look at least 70 per cent bigger than its actual size. Also I think the reason I like them is because I never had enough cash to buy MC Hammer pants in the ‘90s. And that’s not really a good enough justification.

http://images.dailylife.com.au/2012/11/07/3776313/art-151690237.jpg?rand=1352263481504

Statement jewellery
As a child, I made a lot of statement jewellery for my mother from coloured pasta. We’re told it’s a great way to ‘‘toughen up’’ an outfit and once again, it’s possible I picked up a little sugar on the accessories wall of Sportsgirl as recently as last weekend. But there is a larger part of me that thinks statement jewellery just makes us all look like extras from Cleopatra.

http://images.dailylife.com.au/2012/11/07/3776310/art-150303899.jpg?rand=1352263495481

Onesies
Playsuits, jump-suits, all-in-ones, whatever you call them, you can’t get past the fact that they are really only supposed to be worn by babies, who have the competitive advantage of having their nappies changed by someone else. Have you ever tried to answer nature’s call wearing a playsuit in a poky pub bathroom? You pretty much have to get nude.

I could add so much more to this list - panda-print dresses, jungle print everything, and coloured jeans. But every long journey starts with a small step.

 

40 comments

  • Thanks Jacqueline, I'm having a lot of issues with this summer's fashion too. Ok, so I dislike fashion shopping at the best of times, so I can be a bit picky as a rule, but I've tried on several occasions to go and drop some moula on summer clothes only to come home empty handed every single time.

    Besides the things you've noted above, don't forget cut-off shorts and ultra tight skirts/dresses in every freaking store. And oversized baggy t-shirts. And orange. Cut-offs are great, and I own a pair (they're only great if you actually cut them yourself though, I reckon) and I'm happy to see shorts back for women, but I WANT ANOTHER OPTION! Something not arse-cheek revealing. Something I can wear to somewhere other than the beach or a music festival.

    I'll stop ranting now. I've been biting my tongue for ages, so it was kinda nice to get that out.

    Commenter
    om
    Date and time
    November 08, 2012, 8:15AM
    • You're making the mistake of buying pre-cut offs. Get an old pair of clapped out jeans and hack 'em around knee length and embrace your inner-skateboarder.

      Commenter
      Ezy E
      Location
      Hell, Florida
      Date and time
      November 08, 2012, 10:39AM
    • And what about floral pants?!! I mean seriously, why, why, why?!! They look absolutely ridiculous, not to mention hideous. They're worse than stirrup pants from the 1980s/90s (and that's saying something). And while I'm on a run, I hate the tight, rolled up jeans look with brown school shoes that some guys think look cool. Boys, you don't look cool, you just look like foppish tools.

      Commenter
      feel like a rant
      Date and time
      November 08, 2012, 11:21AM
    • One more thing...I'm forever baffled at the fact that the people who tend to wear tight cut off jean shorts or immodest, tight clothing are generally the types of people who SHOULDN'T be wearing such items, i.e. tubby types. Do people not have mirrors, or are they simply deluded that they look good? I was in a shopping mall the other day and a girl was walking with her Dad wearing tiny jean shorts that showed her enormous bottom. What was she thinking? Worse still, what was her Dad thinking? How could he let her out of the house like that? It was the most immodest, unflattering outfit I've seen in a long time! As I said, baffling!

      Commenter
      feel like a rant
      Date and time
      November 08, 2012, 11:27AM
    • Yeah I've only got one pair and I've cut them myself, maybe I'll go and raid Savers and make myself some more.

      Commenter
      om
      Date and time
      November 08, 2012, 12:19PM
    • Lets add in retailers who use sheer fabrics where sheer fabrics are not ideal. I am so, so sick of see-through tee shirts. Not to mention unlined dresses, and even transparent shorts! You can't layer shorts, dangit!!

      In fact, I've been so mad at fashion trends lately (both appearance and price-wise) that I actually bought a sewing machine. Think I might have let myself in for a steep learning curve, but I'm determined to set my wardrobe free :D

      Commenter
      Grumphy
      Date and time
      November 08, 2012, 12:52PM
  • Great piece! You've made my day and guilty as charged on some of the items.
    So funny, the things we do.

    Commenter
    Melk
    Location
    Melb
    Date and time
    November 08, 2012, 8:32AM
    • Most of these items look good in a manipulated fashion shoot or at Fashion Week, but on the general populace, they look ridiculous. (granted there are SOME girls that can pull it off, but for the most of us, we know our limitations).

      Remember the fashion rules - buy investment pieces that will last and never go out of style.

      I have to agree with OM, arse showing shorts are not cute in any way, showing off half your bum in an awkwardly cut, high wasted pair of denims that you cant do anything with but pull down because you KNOW they look crap on you and you KNOW that pervy-mc-perve is looking in your direction is in no way fashion.

      Commenter
      Bubiana
      Location
      Sydney
      Date and time
      November 08, 2012, 8:50AM
      • If you don't want me to look girls then here's a revolutionary fashion concept for you - don't wear it!

        Commenter
        Pervy McPerve
        Location
        Benny Hills
        Date and time
        November 08, 2012, 11:31PM
    • Thanks for the jewellery pic. I make jewellery and I'm tempted to download this and hang it above my workbench, in case I'm tempted to make something so mind-boggingly awful. Sort of like those motivational skinny women fridge pic's, in reverse.

      Commenter
      Lynne
      Location
      Melbourne
      Date and time
      November 08, 2012, 9:16AM

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