When an article begins with the very fact that there's not much to write about, you can feel quite safe that, well, not much is going to be said. This is indeed the case for the groan-worthy article from British Harper's Bazaar that begins like this,
"It's silly season, and the Bazaar team were short of conversation this morning. Until someone mentioned the ever-fascinating topic of the perfect brow shape. 'Who cares,' said one, 'men never notice anyway.'"
Granted, as a fan of a strong eyebrow, I can agree that talking about eyebrows is, if not fascinating, then certainly something that offers a wealth of topics, i.e. whose eyebrows would you swap yours for, how does Cara Delevingne maintain her brows, let's all share our eyebrow plucking mistakes. The talk you could have!
But then someone had to go and ruin it by saying that "men don't notice anyway". Which is true. I'd probably need to have one eyebrow slowly migrate to the middle of my forehead before my beloved would notice. But that's not the point right? Whether I'm experimenting with Edith Piaf brows or perhaps trying on Groucho Marx for a laugh, it shouldn't matter whether a man will notice and/or like it. All this thinking about what men like not only reinforces that all that matters is their opinion. It gives women something else to worry about when it comes to their appearance. Though, judging by the rest of the article, there's simply no way that a woman can be remotely presentable to a gentleman anyway.
Having decided that men won't notice our brows, the Harper's Bazaar office decided to poll the gents working at their sister publication, Esquire, to find out what does pique their interest.
Here are some of things that the no doubt very stylish Esquire men notice.
Big heads: Pudding-headed women take note, men notice your noggin and they're judging it. Said anonymous Esquire man, "Sorry ladies. We can't blame you for this, and God knows enough of us suffer from it too, but a giant head, as Chandler in Friends once discovered, is deeply distracting."
Regrowth: Uh oh, thought your homemade "balayage" was hiding your lax attitude to the hairdresser? Think again! Anonymous Esquire gent says, "You obviously wanted to believe you were blonde/red/not grey once. So do we."
Feet and toe nails: Turns out that dapper magazine men have a thing for feet. "Imagine if Cinderella had had a bunion? The Prince would have run a mile." The horror!
To read the rest of the list go here.
The thing is, not only does this list add to all of the things that women are doing wrong, it actually is rather meaningless. For every man out there who loves a pin head, someone is just yearning for a pumpkin. Bunions might mean a woman is a ballet dancer committed to her art. We don't all notice and/or fancy the same things. Phew, right?
This was something that was well illustrated by this list from Thought Catalog which collated the "uncommon" things that men find attractive. Ranging from eating chicken nuggets with sauce to bow legs and pudgy stomachs, it proves that we all like different things. Even if you could adhere exactly to a list of what one man likes, you'd run into another who liked the opposite.
So, with that in mind, can we just go back to talking about our eyebrows already?